The majority of people believes that their discontent is related to the external factors. These individuals constantly mention that, external situations are taken them to where they stand at present and is the cause of their failing identity, besides, if the situations had been as suitable as they desire, now they would have been successful persons. Most of them point to the disagreements they have experienced in the past with their family members or spouses, which have been stopped them from following their favorable route to the educational, career or emotional goals. Or the unsuitable situation which has been made them unable to immigrate to another country. After that there has been no way, which had been made them to acquiesce to less amount of their desired competency and go on with a failing identity.
One of these reasons behind is perfectionism. Which means that if individuals could not reach the top or ideals, they would perceive any lower level success, unimportant in that issue. Therefore having not optimal external situation, would also make them avoid working on smaller goals, consequently stop them to reach even any small success. In result, constantly plaintiff about how the destiny, significant others and situations turn them to a dead pigeon.
Accordingly, some of them by mistake believe that successful people necessarily have been experiencing a supportive external situations. In their minds, this support comes from their parents, spouse or other special belongings, especially welfare and facilities affluence. In the opposite, the reality is that too many successful people had never been supported by anyone and reached their important demands in hard conditions, just by believing in their personal abilities plus the persistence mentality which lead to an identity achievement.
Moreover, another group of them, always comparing themselves with their successful relatives or friends who live in better conditions, and because there is no same situations for them in life, they have accepted the failure and stopped trying anymore for reaching their own demands.
As an experienced consultant, I have been encountering with defeated people complaining: “if we had everything, we could develop to the top and could jump to our best score of 100 in life, although, the external situations and the significant others behavior have not been suitable as it should be and that is why we feel defeated”. Sometimes taking a look at their stories, show that they are mostly right. Accordingly, there is a point I have to mention, they might be unable to jump to their 100, but for instance jumping to a 60 is possible for them. Following this, under the influence of wrong beliefs we mentioned above, they have been making absolutely less effort than their abilities for a possible jump, in result, perhaps they just have developed a 25 at present (interpretations about the scores are different by individuals).
There is a question here, for example if our conditions let us reach a 60 why we would just get a 25! Naturally, our situation stopped us for improving from 60 to 100, but if we stay in 25 and never reach the top possible number of 60, we would be debtors to ourselves. Certainly, developing ourselves to point of 60 can bring us satisfaction in life and at least we are not debtors to ourselves.
Perhaps the present is the best time to look carefully to whatever we are possible to do, and despite all the deficiencies and dilemmas, utilize our maximum power for reaching the peak and never let be debtor to ourselves.